Who Am I After The Kids Are Gone?
The Empty Nest Changes Everything
Photo by Laura Ockel on Unsplash
A strange thing happens when all the kids move out. You spend a lot more time with yourself. Gone are the distractions. When you ride in the car, no incessant conversation buzzes in your ear. Music no longer needs to split the ear drums. In fact, you can listen to whatever you want. The dinner table seems tame and there’s only one person to fight over the remote with.
And something else happens. You suddenly get reacquainted with yourself.
I’m 58 years old and I still wonder who I am. Am I the only one?
For instance, am I one of my roles? I’m a wife, mom, grandmother, daughter, sister, and friend. I’m a homeschooler (retired), homemaker, writer, podcaster. Do these define me?
Am I my personality? INTJ? Enneagram 1? Introvert? Or am I my spot on the DISC profile? (D for those wondering.)
Am I an American? A Texan? A church member? My political party?
Good Question
Honestly, it was when I found myself on the other side of the whirlwind of big family and busy schedules that I wondered if I knew myself anymore. As an introvert who likes to be alone, my previous lifestyle never catered to that part of my personality. Now, the quiet I longed for seems strange. Like a misshapen sweater.
But as I tried to reacquaint myself with who I started out to be all those decades ago, I’m not that girl either. I’ve grown and age has altered my priorities. Jesus has formed my heart and altered my longings.
So, the good question sat on the shelf and I wondered again, who am I?
Who Am I In Jesus?
I felt lonely without the kids.
When driving alone, I no longer felt the safety that numbers of people provided.
While I knew my kids loved me, I missed the reassuring hugs and affirmations.
So many new questions and fears. So much uncertainty. I felt uncomfortable in my own skin and I didn’t know what to do with that.
After floundering a bit, I finally looked to my Answer for the answer. As I turned to Jesus I sensed His warm hug and His gentle reprimand — why it had taken me so long to come to Him in the first place?
I began to study what my identity was in Jesus, because that identity never ends. That relationship remains through time and across miles. Nothing changes it. Nothing interrupts it.
The more I searched for identity in Scripture, the more I was astounded by how much I did not know about what I knew. I mean, I knew Jesus loved me, and that in Him I was forgiven, saved, and protected.
But I realized I didn’t walk in the fullness of that identity. If you had asked me if Jesus guided me I would have said, “Yes, of course.” But I couldn’t have explained the depth of what that identity meant to my everyday life.
And in the end, I took all these amazing pieces of identity that I found were mine through the truth of the Bible, and I wrote them down. Because I’m a writer, and that’s the way I process what I learn. At first I focused the discussion on younger women, since identity is under such an attack.
But as I talked with women my own age, in this odd, life-morphing stage of the empty nest, I realized I needed to write this for us — for those of us wondering who we are if we aren’t full-time moms anymore. Maybe I just needed to write this for me, but if you resonate with anything I’ve written so far, I think you might need these truths as much as I did.
Putting Jesus On: An Identity Devotional
And so was born my new book.
Here’s an excerpt from the Day I devotion:
““We’re instructed repeatedly to PUT OFF the old self with all its messy tatteredness, and PUT ON the gleaming brilliance of Jesus.
• ... put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. (Ephesians 4:24)
But sisters, it’s a difficult wardrobe change to pull off, made more challenging by our enemy’s lies. He can’t steal our salvation, but he works hard to destroy our joy. He chips away at truth with whispers of our failings and brokenness. That tactic works because we HAVE failed. And we ARE broken.
This journal combats his attacks with Truth, because there’s nothing like placing a lie straight in the glaring daylight of Scripture to take its power away. We must never forget that the ALL-KNOWING God saw every molecule of who we were when He called us to become His own. “”
Just think — Jesus knew every molecule when He called us, and He knows every atom of us now. We hide nothing from Him, which means His love flows unhindered toward us despite everything. What would happen if we stopped the guilt, self-condemnation, and despair in order to live the rich life He offers?
I’m not sure, but I’m ready to find out!
If you are as well, please check out my new book. I’d love to see an army of us marching in the truth and beauty Jesus offers, fighting for our families and proclaiming His name.
Sound interesting? Then check it out and let me know what you think.
Your Identity Matters
Who are you after the kids are gone?
Here is what I discovered:
I am CHRIST’S and I put on CHRIST. He FREES me, LOVES me, FORGIVES me, CHOOSES me, ADOPTS me, HEALS me, WANTS me, and HIDES me in the palm of His hand. Because He makes me ETERNALLY SECURE, I’m NEVER ALONE as He GUIDES and GUARDS me. He HEALS, BLESSES, and FILLS me and then CALLS me His FRIEND.
Oh sweet sister, how could I ever want to belong to myself when Jesus offers me such an identity? Such a gifted relationship?
What about you? Don’t you desire to put on Jesus and be His? He offers infinitely more than you could ever do for yourself. Come to Him. Put Him on. Wrap yourself in His identity. It’s the most beautiful garment you’ll ever possess. (p 126, Putting Jesus On)
Some Empty Nest Podcast Episodes
If you enjoy listening to encouragement, I have some podcasts on the empty nest available.
Here are links to find the episodes: