When I Lose Jesus
“Where are You Lord? I believe You will never leave me, but honestly, right now I feel abandoned. It feels like You’ve moved on and left me behind.”
Yep.
I’ve moaned that prayer, especially this past year as I’ve struggled with low energy and high life requirements with growing responsibilities.
And as I’ve struggled, Jesus has felt further away, not closer. Silent. Distant.
I’ve taken comfort in Psalm 131:2, “But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me.” Imagining myself leaning against the Lord’s chest, and resting on Him, I’ve tried to calm and quiet my soul.
But since I have the habit of being embarrassingly transparent, I will say that I haven’t succeeded. There’s been more moments of complaint and angst than quiet and rest.
Jesus, Where Have You Been?
I’m not the first to lose Jesus, which gives me some comfort.
In preparation for Easter, I’m spending this month in the gospel of Luke. At the end of chapter 2, as I read a familiar story, it hit me in a totally opposite way than it ever has before.
Jesus and His earthly parents had gone with a big group to Jerusalem for Passover. When the group of the extended family loaded up and left, Mary and Joseph assumed Jesus was in the group. But when they stopped for the night, they discovered—no Jesus!
They lost Jesus!
Can you imagine? I can still vividly recall, decades after the incidents, the few times I lost a child and the sheer panic that ensued. Mary and Joseph searched for three days—THREE DAYS—before they found him. I wonder if Mary slept at all during that time.
Finally, on that third day, they find Him in the Temple.
You may also be so familiar with this story that you, like me, may be tempted to skim over the text. After all, I knew what it said. What I didn’t know was how the Holy Spirit would use this passage in this reading.
Mary asks Jesus, “Son, why have you treated us so? Behold, your father and I have been searching for you in great distress.” (Luke 2:48b)
Why have You treated us so?
The question echoed familiarly in my mind. I’ve asked the same. “Jesus, why have You treated me so? Why, for the last year, have You not healed my lack of energy? Why did You let it strike right after I published my novel so that I couldn’t market it well? Why have You not fixed this?”
Why have You treated me so, Jesus?
And then His answer, magnified by the Holy Spirit, hit me between the eyes.
And he said to them, "Why were you looking for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father's house?" (Luke 2:49)
The word translated house is actually an article that is usually translated, “the, this, that, these.” Most translations now use house, but KJV used business.
I prefer, “I must be about my Father’s this, that, and these.”
Here is how the Holy Spirit hit me between the eyes. It is NOT that Jesus is too busy for me. Yes, my whiny flesh might come up with that interpretation, but the Spirit revealed something completely different. Jesus is about His Father’s this, that, and these IN my weariness, my lack, my extreme busyness, and my many responsibilities.
The Father’s business, which is never in a hurry and which focuses more on growing our relationship than growing my book sales, is right where Jesus is.
Why am I looking at externals to see proof of His favor?
Why do I look at my physical failings and see His lack of care instead of His loving arms?
Why do I seek Him among the distractions of the world instead of the middle of the holy?
He sits in the middle of the holy work going on in my heart as the weariness and lack of ability conforms my desires to look more like His own. He’s right there, responding to my questions with questions of His own (Luke 2:46), revealing my wrong thinking and fleshly reliance.
Like Mary and Joseph who “did not understand the saying that he spoke to them,” (Luke 2:50) I haven’t understood. I’ve worried and fretted. I’ve fruitlessly searched for an answer and solution. And when I have found Jesus, I’ve accused Him with questions. I’ve asked Him why He has treated me so!
Oh Jesus, I’m sorry. I couldn’t see You when You were right where I should have looked first. You were in the middle of the Father’s this, that, and these. You still are.
You promised that when I seek I will find You, but I was seeking in all the wrong places. I was seeking for explanations and the answer to why.
But You are working the Father’s business into my heart. You are in my hard place. You are responding to my questions of complaint with questions that astound me and reveal truth. And I will hear them if I quiet long enough, and lay my head on Your chest, like a weaned child. If I stop struggling and start trusting.
Have you lost Jesus?
Do your circumstances feel like He couldn’t possibly be anywhere near?
Do you feel alone?
Then stop. Seek Him in the Father’s this, that, and these of your life.
Stop fighting and accusing Him and start leaning on Him while all the chaos swirls and the heartbreak threatens.
He’s there. He always has been.
It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." - Deuteronomy 31:8
fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. - Isaiah 41:10
If you are interested, here is that book the Lord has been training my heart with. I would love to know what you think! Go on an adventure in ancient Judea and discover the amazing love the Father has for you!