When The Adult Kids Come Home For Christmas
Every episode is in this blog post!
Christmas is coming. It’s a treat when our kids come home. But it’s not like when they were young and we were the cruise directors.
A reality we must face: With adult kids we might not have the holiday we want.
Episodes 17-20 are a short series on how to deal joyfully with a Christmas that might not look like the Christmas we want.
Episode 17
How Can I Have An Attitude Like Jesus?
My attitude when my adult kids come home greatly effects our holiday. How can I help make our Christmas be the best it can be?
Show Notes
I look to Jesus and how He walked with His disciples to find how I can walk with my own adult children.
Keep the big picture in mind. He kept pointing toward His Father. I can concentrate on family memories and togetherness: what will they remember after we are gone?
Wash feet: even if they’re currently hurting us. Remember Jesus washed Judas’s feet right before he left to betray Him.
I need to be servant-hearted. What does that mean?
Put people over process and perfection
So as we go to Christmas, let’s think of how we can serve our families like Jesus.
Consider their needs above our own (Phil 2:3-8)
Ask for what we need (Matthew 26:36-38)
Realize they might not do it (Matthew 26:40, 43)
Value time, fellowship, and relationship over vision. (Jesus’ whole ministry)
Remember: Jesus’ most prioritized method: get away and pray. If that means staying up late or getting up early.
It fills us so that we aren’t looking to our spouse or kids to fill our emotional needs. And it gives us the sacrificial love of Jesus.
Episode 18
Practical Ideas For When The Kids Come Home
Here’s some practical ideas to help your day run smoother.
Show Notes
Here’s some ways to help:
Everyone brings a dish
They might not bring your preference. Be good with that.
Buy the food
Buy some dishes, if not all.
Put people over perfection
Teams
We have breakfast and lunch team. Small appetizer and drink team.
DON’T MICROMANAGE. Be a team player
Our meal teams do all prep and clean up for that meal so that everyone has time on work and time off.
Disposable
I have Christmas dishes. I don’t use them on Christmas day because too much clean up.
Put out plastic cups and have everyone put name on them
If you want real plates, don’t be mad when no one wants to clean up.
Various times during the day: 5 minute clean up
When everything is in disarray, set time for 5 minutes. Everyone picks up. Grandkids involved.
Again: Don’t forget Jesus most prioritized method: Get away and pray.
Episode 19
Preparing My Heart for My Adult Kids
Relationships with adult kids can be complicated. Preparing our hearts makes all the difference for a peaceful and enjoyable holiday. Here’s some ideas of just what to pray.
Show Notes
As I stated In Episodes 17 and 18: Don’t forget Jesus most prioritized method: get away and pray. If that means staying up late or getting up early. We need Jesus to fill our emotional needs, and give us His sacrificial love.
What to pray FOR:
If kids are rejecting, Jesus endured that.
1 Peter 2:21-25
He responded with love
Lord’s prayer: forgive us as we forgive others.
Matthew 6:12
Spend time forgiving child before he/she shows up.
During day: practice this
Ask for spirit of Mary when the day holds the needs of Martha
Luke 10:38-40
Worried about so many things, but only one is needful.
Do I want my kids to remember how I reflected Jesus or how I was irritated?
Don’t expect them to understand. Nobody understood Jesus.
Mark 12:24, John 13:7, Acts 7:25
May never. Accept that. Jesus understands.
May not be until older with their own kids that they get it.
Remember Jesus, surrounded by needs. He took kids on His lap. Ask Him for this heart attitude.
Mark 10:14-16
Ask for help. Jesus gave jobs and sent disciples on missions.
Matthew 10:5
Don’t expect them to intuitively know
Every time:
Lay expectations at His feet
Sit at His feet
Ask for His love to fill my heart
AND THEN: ask for help all through the day. He’s with us. In us. Loving others through us.
HOW GOOD TO KNOW WE AREN’T ALONE. Jesus understands everything we are going through.
Episode 20
When None Of The Kids Come Home For Christmas
We will all experience holidays without any kids home. What do we do then? Here's some ideas of how to have a joyful holiday even when it feels lonely.
Show Notes
Simple Ideas:
Plan something special with your husband. Something different. Just might build a new tradition.
If not married, find a friend. Do something that morning with others. Or find a ministry to volunteer with. Have a GOOD Christmas morning, even if your aren’t kids with you.
During the day, write each child a letter, expressing pride and gratitude for who they are.
Even if they’re living opposite to how you raised them, ask Jesus for insight of what to communicate. Bless them.
Mail the next day.
Get outside. Helps with mental attitude.
Ask your church for a list of shut-ins. Even if you can't go visit because of Covid, you could drop off a note or something else. Just call ahead and ask what restrictions are.
Foster kids: call your foster agency and see what you could do. Maybe help a foster family with a special meal or presents.
Here’s the simple strategy: we must get our eyes off ourselves and what we DON’T have.
Use the holiday we DO have to bless others and proclaim Jesus through loving someone.
Remember the first Christmas: Jesus came to a lonely, cold hillside. He left the glory of heaven. In years we can't have our loved ones around us might just be the one where we can most understand and therefore appreciate all He sacrificed because of His love for us.
What are your best ideas for dealing with the complexities of adult kids and the holidays?