The Gift Of The Unexpected Thank You
Thank You.
Two such powerful words.
Through the years I’ve been given a great deal. My life contains many blessings. Lately, I’ve wondered if I’ve ever expressed gratitude to the people responsible for these things. What brought about this self-examination? My kids. The ones I taught for so long who are now teaching me.
For the past twenty-seven years we’ve homeschooled. We’ve traversed bumps, circumvented road-blocks, and enjoyed a few moments of glory. And always, alongside tears, laughter, anger, and joy, this Mama worked under a load of doubt and a ton of guilt. I don’t think I ever realized my vision for all I hoped to teach my kids. On this end of our journey, I’m aware of many failures and short-comings. I was terrible at grading math. I’d assign papers and not check them. I’d start a curriculum and not follow through.
In May of 2020, for the seventh and final time, we graduated a child. Once again, I sent my student off into the world, grateful for our time together, and fearful that I’d not adequately prepared her. I handed her a diploma, while looking back on a quarter of a century of homeschooling. I bowed my head and extended my shaking hands to Jesus, asking Him to take the efforts and mistakes, to transform them, and to multiply them in His grace.
Out the door walked my tribe: seven adult, well-dressed versions of the crew I drug to museums and historical spots and co-ops and symphony performances. They all congregated outside the car smiling and my tears started before I opened the door or even knew why they were there.
It turns out, He’s already done that. I observe this in my adult kids. I admire who they are and the families, careers, and education they are building. Yet, fear still needles me. What could they have been if I’d done a better job? Most homeschool moms that I know struggle with many of the same fears. We brought our best intentions to the homeschool table. But we also brought our sin nature. And our kids brought theirs. So vision and reality rarely met.
I wondered if I would ever truly feel peace about my homeschool career.
The Thank You
This is where the unexpected thank you comes in. Before I go further, I have a warning. I tell you this story not so you’ll wonder why your kids didn’t do this for you. I’ve struggled with my own jealousy over the years, and I’d never encourage that in anyone else. Please don’t read this and think, “Why has no one thanked me?” Instead, I urge you to think, “Who have I never thanked?”
Last month, my husband surprised me with a spa day, a rare occurrence. He dropped me off in the morning and said he’d pick me up later and we’d go out to dinner. So after a relaxing day, I showered and primped and joyfully got in the car for our next stop. But instead of heading to a restaurant, we went home.
As we drove up, I saw all my children’s cars and out the door walked my tribe: seven adult, well-dressed versions of the crew I drug to museums and historical spots and co-ops and symphony performances. They all congregated outside the car smiling and my tears started before I opened the door or even knew why they were there.
As I hugged each one in turn, they told me, “Tonight is for you Mom. To say thank you for all you did for us.”
I couldn’t speak.
The evening that followed dove deep into the caverns of my soul. It filled my regrets with grace. It covered my failures with healing. It surrounded my heart with palpable love.
With the grandkids at their homes with babysitters, my husband and I enjoyed a rare experience of our children and their spouses around an adult-only table. The beautiful setting and aroma of fellowship joined the delicious smells of an elegant meal. After dinner, my kids began reading selections from their journals, one of the tasks I attempted to make them do daily. More laughter. More tears. They read some of my comments on papers or assignments, especially ones where I pushed them. Turns out, those weren’t ignored as it seemed at the time.
Next, we moved to the living room. They had me read a letter I’d written to all of them and read aloud at the end of my youngest’s graduation, attempting to express the emotions and thoughts crashing inside me at the time. Somehow, I got through that. Then they read letters to me from my parents, who expressed their own gratefulness for what we accomplished in our little homeschool. Their words of affirmation for our unconventional choices touched me somewhere I didn’t realize still needed to be touched.
We passed the Kleenex box before each child and spouse toasted first my husband and then me. They expressed gratitude to each of us for what we’d done. He and I just looked at each other across the room. We knew all they were overlooking, all they were choosing to forgive.
We rounded out the evening with dessert and games. More laughter. More tears. And, oh so many hugs.
It Healed Me
When I told a young friend about the evening, she asked me to describe what it did for me. The word that filled my head? Healing.
She looked surprised. “What do you mean?”
I tried to explain, though I doubt anyone but another homeschool mom could fully understand. I carry with me concerns over all I DIDN’T do. And regret over many things I DID do.
My kids know me. They know the places I dropped the ball and the times I lost my head. Yet, they chose to recall the good parts. The hours reading out loud. My attempts to look through the mass of family to see each individual personality. The commitment to answer the call God laid on their Dad and me.
That evening of thanksgiving washed over me in a way I had no idea I desperately needed. It still bounces around my heart over a month later, bringing smiles and warmth.
Who Do I Need To Thank?
After all the things that night accomplished in my heart, one of my quests for this year is to thank people. So many have invested in me. Have chosen to walk beside me. Have enriched my life with their presence.
Do I appreciate them? Yes, I definitely do.
Have I thanked them? Ummmm….. Probably not.
But This Year I WILL. I will write notes and make phone calls and take people to lunch. I will tell them thank you. Because thanksgiving heals our hearts, and who doesn’t need some healing about now?
Who could you thank? I encourage you to do it. It might be your most important ministry of 2021.