Needing To Be Found
Warning: honest transparency AHEAD. Just thought I would alert you.
Sometimes I feel confused, isolated, and unprotected. Uncertainty hovers like a cloud as I question every turn.
I try to pray, but Jesus seems distant. Each step I take potentially takes me further from, rather than closer to, Him.
My very lostness mocks me. Christians aren’t supposed to feel this way.
I struggle to find my way home. My solutions usually involve some combination of trying harder, chastising my bad attitude, pasting on a smile, and answering, "I'm fine" to every inquiry. Is that a lie? I am fine compared to refugees fleeing invading soldiers or someone struggling with malignancy. But my spirit shakes her finger at my deception. I’m not fine. And I know it. I also know the “right” words to say. I even say them to myself.
But I am lost.
When I finally stop tugging on my bootstraps long enough to be still and quiet, I reach for the Bread of Life like a starving woman. Silly me, it has been there all along. Waiting for me to reach for its sustenance.
In Luke 15, I find the story of the Shepherd hunting for the one lost sheep. Think about it- the Shepherd can look at the mass of grazing, baa-ing sheep and notice: ONE is missing. He then leaves the ninety-nine to hunt for ONE. Even when that one is little-ole me.
Why?
I have no idea why He would bother.
What an inconvenience. What a distraction from the work to be done.
I am only lost because I wasn't paying attention and wandered away.
I don't deserve His effort.
But my Shepherd willingly searches for and finds me.
"For thus says the Lord GOD: Behold, I, I myself will search for my sheep and will seek them out… I will rescue them from all places where they have been scattered on a day of clouds and thick darkness.” (Ezekial 34:11-12 ESV)
When the Good Shepherd locates me, He knows I am weak, discouraged, and spent.
He could discipline me, but instead He picks me up.
He could scold me, but instead He lays me across His ever-sufficient shoulders and carries me.
And when we arrive back at the fold? Am I in trouble then? Am I sent to time-out? Do I have to earn my way back into His good graces? Prove I’m worth the effort?
Nope.
He throws me a party.
“So, He told them this parable, saying, “What man among you, if he has a hundred sheep and has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open pasture and go after the one which is lost until he finds it? When he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!’ I tell you that in the same way, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.” (Luke 15:3-6, NASB)
Think about it:
The first and the last. The Alpha and Omega.
The first born of all creation, and He who holds it all together.
The One who created the very heavens which now declare His glory.
The Cornerstone and the Rock on which I stand.
He Who sits at the right hand of the Father and of Whom the angels declare, "Holy, holy, holy."
HE searches for me. HE finds me. HE carries me. And HE celebrates my return.
I was lost and now I am found.
He found me 36 years ago at a Baptist church revival. Even then I couldn't fully grasp that I didn't have to do ANYTHING but believe to earn forgiveness and salvation. It took years to fully comprehend His sufficiency.
It also took years to realize that though I’m only saved once, I require finding over and over and over again.
And Jesus is a Finder. What a display of His love.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. (Psalm 145:18 ESV)
My Jesus never leaves me nor forsakes me, even when I wander off volitionally.
He finds me.
He picks me up.
He carries me home.
And He throws me a party.
Do you feel lost today?
For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost." (Luke 19:10 ESV)
I urge you- do not obstinately resist help. Do not try and work your way back. Do not imitate the stubborn two-year-old who definitely and foolishly proclaims, "I do it myself!"
Instead, sit down and bleat as loud as you can. Your Shepherd is on the hunt and on the way. He WILL find you. And being found by Him is the sweetest joy on the earth.
“‘Let us eat and celebrate; for this son of mine was dead and has come to life again; he was lost and has been found.’ And they began to celebrate.” (Luke 15:24, NASB)