Get Rid of Anger and Bitterness Once and For All
One of the great blessings of living many years is living life with people. We’ve laughed, played, adventured, dined, communed, hugged, talked, and lived with family and friends through countless activities.
One of the greatest struggles of life is living with people. People present great difficulties. The more we’ve interacted with other humans, the greater the opportunity to argue, disagree, and go in opposite directions. We’ve all experienced lies, hurtful words, abandonment, betrayal, and the pain of being ignored or forgotten.
If a mathematical equation existed to calculate the effect of years living + human interactions X every hurt, the number would be incalculable.
And the longer we live, the greater our opportunities for pain.
I’m sure Angelina Grimke was an amazing woman. She spent her life fighting slavery. BUT, I don’t want to end up looking like an angry and bitter old woman. Sorry Angelina. I’m sure you had a lovely smile.
Our negative responses to these situations are natural and often deserved. At one time or another, we could probably all say, “I tried to do the right thing, and look at what he did.” Or, “Just look at how she stabbed me in the back.” Or how about, “Just think how hard and how long I’ve worked. Does anyone appreciate that?”
Working through anger, and grief rehashes the pain, but we don’t want to get stuck. We must endure through the pain to healing.
Why? Because, damage occurs every time we replay an offense or rehearse what we could have said to the one who hurt us. Justifiable anger left simmering corrodes our hearts.
Pain multiplies.
Bitterness sends down deep roots.
Unforgiveness rules our heart.
Left unchecked, the root of bitterness grows out of control.
The hard work of healing and forgiving in healthy ways allows us to eventually thrive, even when we still carry scars. This effort might be slow, but is so worth it. But before we talk about that, let’s look at the perfect picture of the invasive root of bitterness.
The Root of Bitterness
The Kudzu vine, not an original species in North America, has been nicknamed, “the vine that ate the South.” Soil conservationists, with the best of intentions, originally introduced this species in the 1930s - 1950s. Planting the hardy vine seemed a good idea to help prevent soil erosion. Little could they have imagined the approaching harm.
Kudzu now blankets entire hillsides in the South, suffocating plants underneath. With no natural predators, it spreads unchecked and can grow an astonishing foot per day. It quickly outpaces and kills existing flora and fauna. Eradicating the weed takes diligence and vigilance, with the best results occurring when it’s caught early in its life cycle.
I think of the Kudzu every time I read Hebrews 12.
“See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no "root of bitterness" springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled” - Hebrews 12:15 ESV
Bitterness resembles the invasive weed. You can’t walk through a patch of Kudzu without a machete. The vines criss-cross to make progress impossible. Left unchecked, bitterness quickly blankets positive thoughts and emotions, leaving them invisible. It trips us up. It restricts us from growth and health.
Here’s the conundrum. At the moment of the injustice, anger is real. Pain occurs. And deep wounds take time to heal. Forgiveness runs opposite to every emotion.
But what happens if we NEVER heal? If we hang on to the wrong perpetrated? If we refuse to forgive, especially if the hurter is unrepentant?
I’ll tell you what happens. We weaken. We retreat. We become ineffective. We trip and fall flat on our face. Before the root of bitterness analogy, the writer of Hebrews instructs,
“Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed.” - Hebrews 12:12-13 ESV
At this stage of life, I understand hurting joints. Maybe that’s why I identify with this Scripture so much. My age makes parts of my body lame, or at least more prone to injury. I must guard against overuse of my knees and hips. Pain alerts me every time I push too hard. I must strengthen my knees and choose my paths carefully to protect my body.
My heart requires the same care. Certain places seem more susceptible to pain. Old hurts, particularly family ones, remain difficult to forgive again (and again), and the pain flares up at those spots faster and with more intensity. If I’ve nurtured bitterness over those past difficulties, a new example just feeds the root.
Once encouraged to grow, the bitterness smothers love and forgiveness. It justifies its angry response and, just like the Kudzu ate the south, the bitterness root eats my heart.
Too Angry and Bitter
Hanging on to the hurt from others' bad actions destroys our joy. It cripples our effectiveness. It poisons our empty nest years with the resentments and regrets of the past.
The only way to move effectively NOW is to leave those hurts with our Healer. To lay the offences at the feet of the Judge. To remember and confess our own sin to our Savior and Forgivever.
The gospel of Luke tells the story of a time when Jesus reclined at the table of a Pharisee. As Jesus reclined, a prostitute, weeping and contrite, snuck into the house and began bathing Jesus’s feet with her tears and anointing Him with expensive perfume.
Simon, the Pharisee, had neglected the hostly duty of having a servant wash his guests’ feet, but this woman took the lowly duty. Simon can’t contain his disgust that Jesus allowed such a woman to touch Him. So Jesus tells him a story about two debtors, both of whom are forgiven their debt, even though one of the debts is larger.
Simon admits that the one with the greater debt would be the most grateful. And then Jesus says, “Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven--for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little." (Luke 7:47 ESV)
Sister, I KNOW how much Jesus has forgiven me. My internal thoughts and desires, which no one but Jesus knows, run opposite to His instructions and desires for my mind and heart. Yet, He forgives me. He throws my sins away. He covers them with His blood. He remembers them no more.
Think about that last sentence. He remembers my sin no more. I should do likewise with the sins others perpetrate against me. I can only do that when I trust Jesus to deal with them. And I must do that because remembering those hurts will trip me and send me hurtling to the ground.
Jesus has forgiven me so much. As I follow Him by forgiving others, my joints are put back in place and my hurts are healed. The root of bitterness is eradicated. I’m healed from my lameness and I’m free to move effectively into the place He calls me in this season.
Doesn’t that sound better?
My sense of justice feels offended when my offender doesn’t doesn’t seem to understand the way the words or actions hurt me. And when the sin against me stands in a long line of similar examples, my righteous indignation straightens her back and points to the multiple examples and relishes the satisfaction of justifiable rage.
And yet… Jesus doesn’t deal with me that way. If He did, no hope would exist.
Psalm 103:10-12 - He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
My dear sister, I wish I could hug you now and listen to your broken heart spill out the hurt and disappointment you’ve borne. But the arms of Jesus stand open and ready. He’s so much better to run to because He can actually deal with the messy scars of our life. He heals and forgives. He carries our pain for us. We can trust Him with that burden.
Photo by Nathalie Désirée Mottet on Unsplash
Do you want to be effective in these empty nest years? I know I do! But, we will NOT be effective if every time we start to move forward, we trip over roots of bitterness. Let’s not not make our path harder. Let’s not throw our aching knees out of joint.
Instead, let’s run with endurance the rest of our race that stretches before us with all the energy we can muster, free from the burden of bitterness, and fueled by the freedom of forgiveness.
Anger and bitterness will paralyze you. But like we chatted about in Episode 303, Jesus stretches out His hand and asks, “Do you want to be healed?”
Our alternative is to be suffocated by our very own Kudzu vine of bitterness, which we are growing through our unforgiveness.
Let Jesus deal with your offender/offenders. Let Him take the hurt. He can handle it. We can not if we want to run free in Him.
Let’s get rid of anger and bitterness once and for all.
Let’s lay it at Jesus’s feet, every time it comes to mind. Let’s walk in the healing He brings. Let’s no longer be suffocated by anger and controlled by bitterness.
Do YOU want to be healed?
Podcast
If you would like to listen to the podcast of this subject, hit the link below.
Episode 305
This is part of a series you will find helpful for running free and effective in this season. The other podcasts are:
Episode 304: