The empty nest is a strange place.

On one hand, there’s fewer dishes and laundry. The living room stays clean and you’re not attacked by lurking legos in the middle of the night. You don’t find petrified, unidentifiable food under a teenager’s bed. The car stays clean and the call, “Mom!” doesn’t resound every time a lost item needs to be found.

On the other hand, quiet can sound lonely. 

It’s more of a forced retirement than a promotion. I’m less motivated to cook for just two. Solitude morphs from peaceful to empty almost imperceptibly. For the stay at home homemaker, the long hours can seem impossible to fill.

I find myself on a swing, like the one I used to soar on as a child. One moment I’m soaring toward the sky, feeling like I could fly. Maybe my toe can touch that fluffy cloud or I’ll flap my wings beside that bird. Then, at the peak, I feel a bit of a jerk and descend, which at first feels fun until I pendulum back the other way and stare straight at the ground. Grasping the swing chains tighter, I fear I might slip off and crash to the ground where I’ll eat dirt and break something.

Likewise, on my empty-nest swing, sorrow follows joy, loneliness follows peace. I’ve struggled with errant emotions more than ever. Menopause doesn’t help. Nothing like crashing hormones, exploding feelings, weight gain, and hair loss to cheer a girl up. Where did my eyebrows go, anyway? 

I want to thrive in this season. I enjoyed ten years as a twenty-year-old, and ten years as a thirty-year-old. I had all ten years in my forties, and now I’m rounding out my fifties.

I wasn’t cheated out of any of my youth, so I don’t think I have the right to envy anyone else’s enjoyment of theirs. Anyway, time will cure their perkiness. I want to live where my feet are, in both age and situation, and I want to not lose the joy of the Lord while doing so.

Some days, I succeed.

Some days, not so much.

Tired and Sad in the Empty Nest

Like the other morning. I woke up with dark clouds circling my heart. They had threatened for days. When this happens, I do my best to keep them at bay. I take supplements and try to get more sleep. Getting outside and exercising can help, though all I feel like doing is curling up with a good movie.

This morning I just couldn’t. I couldn’t marshal my “feels” to obey. They wanted what they wanted, which was sadness and complaining and blaming. They refused to listen to what I know and instead reminded me of what was wrong and of all I’ve done wrong lately.

Here are the two problems that can paralyze me in this stage:

I get too tired and too sad. 

In Episode 303 of my podcast, I talk about the man who was paralyzed for 38 years, from John 5. Jesus asks the paralytic, “Do you want to be healed?”

In the middle of my weary, pity party, Jesus asked me, “Do you want to be healed?”

Yep. I do. I don’t FEEL like being healed, but I desperately want to. To do so, I must go to the Word and find the medicine I need.

When I’m Tired

A good place to go when I’m physically or mentally exhauted is the Psalms, because there I find so many spots of honesty and feeling and complaining, along with hope and proclamation. I never feel guilty about my feelings when I read the Psalms. 

This morning I found some particular places of hope in feeling tired, and some amazing connections between scripture I hadn’t observed before.

Psalm 37:3-7, NASB - 

Trust in the LORD and do good; Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. 

Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart. 

Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, and He will do it. 

He will bring forth your righteousness as the light And your judgment as the noonday. 

Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes.

When I study Scripture, I focus on the verbs, because I’m a doer, which is a blessing and a curse. What are the actions in this passage? erbs can help me see both what I do and do NOT need to do, so that can be helpful.

Here’s what I see. 

• Trust in the Lord

• Do good

• Dwell in the land (wherever I am)

• Cultivate faithfulness

• Delight myself in the Lord

• Commit my way to Him and trust Him

• Rest in Him and wait patiently for Him.

• Don’t fret about the wicked

Now what will the Lord do? Because, especially as a doer, I need to remember it’s not all up to my efforts. That’s something I know, but don’t always feel. Look at the scripture and circle the Lord’s work.

Here’s my observations of the Lord’s actions:

• He gives me the desires of my heart

• He will do it (what I trust Him for)

• He will bring forth my righteousness as the light and my judgment as the noonday. (Since my righteousness is in Jesus, this alone can send my dark clouds scuttling away.)

Trust in Lord and let Him do His work

• This is the best remedy for exhaustion.

• The Lord does the work instead of me wearing myself out and blaming others for not helping me!

  • That means I can pull back and ask Him what His assignments for me are to do

• I need to obey when He tells me to REST. I can only rest when I trust Him.

  • GREAT BOOK: Sacred Rest by Dr. Saundra Dalton Smith

When I’m Sad

Sadness is another challenge that paralyzes me.

A Psalm that helps me when I’m struggling with sadness is Psalm 16:8-11:

I have set the LORD always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure.

For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption.

You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

According to this scripture, here are my jobs:

• Set the Lord before me

  • Think of this of having Jesus SO CLOSE that I He is all that I can see.

• Keep Lord at my right hand

Here are the Lord’s jobs:

• Keep me from being shaken

• Not abandoning me to Sheol

• Not letting me see corruption

• Make known to me the path of life

• Providing me fullness of joy in His presence

• And pleasures at His right hand

I love words like BECAUSE  and THEREFORE and FOR in Scripture, because they reveal the WHY or the result of following the Lord. Here is what I see what will happen when I am trusting the Lord according to Psalm 16.

• Not be shaken

• My heart is glad

• My whole being rejoices

• My flesh dwells secure (even my old self)

• I will have fullness of joy and pleasures.

My cure for the tiredness and sadness the empty years can bring is spending more time with the Lord, because that is where the fullness of joy is!

How To Be Healed When Tired and Sad

What are practical steps when you feel tired and sad? Here are things I find very helpful to set myself back in the Lord’s lap.

• Turn on praise music. Up loud. Sing along

• Read the word. Lovely music. Warm beverage. Lit candle

• Take a nap

• Eat something healthy

• Walk around your house and thank God for everything you see

• Thank God for your people, no matter what state they are currently in

• Turn on praise music again

• Get Jesus so close to your face that you can’t see anything else!

Podcast

To listen to the podcast on this subject, click the link below.

• Episode 304