How Long Should I Try?

That’s the question I’ve been asking myself.

How long should I keep trying to serve the Lord through writing and sharing and speaking and producing content? Is there a point where I should just give up? Should I leave this to the experts with their large followings and best-seller status?

I’ve been blogging off and on for at least twelve years. 

I’ve self published three books.

I’ve podcasted for a year and a half.

But my email list is small and my social media numbers are anemic. The way the industry measures “platform” mine consists of two small boards duct taped to rickety posts a few inches from the ground. 

I often wonder why I feel so compelled to continue. If I could stop, I think I would. It seems like I’m spitting into the wind.

So I’ve prayed and asked Jesus, “Should I keep writing? Should I continue when I still struggle with my own inconsistency? Is it worth trying when life so often gets in the way? Do I have any effect when my words reach so few?”

I hadn’t really received an answer as I prayed over several weeks. And then a question echoed in my spirit, “Are you brave enough to be small?”

Am I brave enough to be small?

Am I brave enough to labor over words that only a few will read?

Am I brave enough to record and edit and create graphics and produce a podcast that only encourages a small number?

Am I brave enough to serve small and love big?

As Jesus repeated this question to me over a few days I realized a paradigm shift needed to occur. I needed to have new glasses to see my work through His eyes and new measuring rods to determine effectiveness.

In the faithfulness I shouldn’t be surprised at, the Spirit opened the Word to me and I’ve discovered instance after instance of that reaffirms that the answer to my question needs to be, “Yes Jesus, I’m brave enough to serve You small.”

Toiling All Night

Before I get to my first example of the Lord’s different view on size and amount, I want to share a story that answered my first question: should I even keep going? How long should I try?

In Luke 5, Peter allows Jesus to step into his boat so that He can teach the crowd on the beach. This was kind of Peter because he had been fishing all night and was exhausted. Discouragement surrounded him as well. He had caught nothing.

After Jesus concludes speaking, He turns to Peter. Let’s pick up the story in Luke.

• And when he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, "Put out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch." And Simon answered, "Master, we toiled all night and took nothing! But at your word I will let down the nets."  Luke 5:4-5

That’s how I’ve been feeling. “Jesus, I’ve been TOILING and I’ve nothing to show for it. I think I should just stop trying. But if You tell me to, I will try again. But only if it’s You!”

Peter obeyed Jesus and this is what happened.

• And when they had done this, they enclosed a large number of fish, and their nets were breaking. Luke 5:4-6 

Have you been toiling “all night”? I know what that feels like. But if Jesus tells us to keep going, we must obey. The story of Peter does not guarantee a large catch of fish is in our future. But it does guarantee that when we obey Jesus, His will do better than we could ever do for ourselves.

Giving the Most

Jesus used the Luke 5 example of Peter to encourage me to keep going. But He used another gospel account to begin to refocus my eyes on His measuring rod. 

In Mark 12, Jesus has been teaching in the Temple all day. Then this happens:

• And he sat down opposite the treasury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. Many rich people put in large sums. Mark 12:41  

Everyone could see how much people gave. The rich even made a show of their great magnanimity. Wasn’t the Lord lucky they were so generous? Of course, all the observers thought so. But Jesus, once again, refocuses definitions from earthly ones to heavenly ones.

• And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny. And he called his disciples to him and said to them, "Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on." Mark 12:42-44

The poor widow gave two small copper coins called lepton, translated mite in some Bible versions. The word lepton means small or thin. To give you context, the coin referred to most often in Scripture is the denarius. One denarius equaled the normal pay for a day’s labor. So if you worked eight hours for $8.00 an hour, you would earn $64.00. A lepton valued for 1/64th of a denarius, or in our illustration, $1.00. 

This point held such significance, Jesus called His disciples over to point it out. Can you imagine their reaction? As the famous line from “The Chosen” goes, “Get used to different.” And they had experienced three years of different. But this still floored them. 

The tiny amount she gave would make no difference to the running of the Temple. I feel the same. Do my tiny words and insignificant sales make any difference in the Kingdom? Am I brave enough to march up in front of everyone and give my everything which is a tiny amount, but all that I have?

Am I brave enough to serve small?

Am I brave enough to create small?

Am I brave enough to speak small?

Am I brave enough to love the few with all that is in me?

Should We Keep Trying:

What Can I Give? What can you give?

Is your business growing? Is your art selling? Are your book sales increasing? Are your social media numbers climbing? Is your audience expanding?

These questions hound us. We strive to create and how can we measure effectiveness other than bottom lines and number of followers?

My numbers remain poor, my reach short. But Jesus blows away my accounting. He sits down next to me and tells me, “Sweet daughter. I don’t need large amounts. I just want you to give everything OUT OF your poverty.”

And so I will keep giving my mites which He can do with whatever He wants. I will get up each day and declare I am brave enough to serve small, and some days I will even believe that. But regardless I will once again send my few Jesus words into a world that needs truth, goodness, and beauty more than ever.

Let me say it, just in case you need to hear it specifically. 

You SHOULD keep trying.

You SHOULD keep creating.

You SHOULD give your everything even if you feel impoverished.

To Jesus this is the most beautiful gift of all.

What do you struggle with? Do you need a word of encouragement? Drop a comment below. I’d love to cheer you on!