The Empty Nest

Hello my empty nest sister. Welcome! Grad a cup of coffee and pull up a chair. You’re among friends here. In this safe spot you don’t have to explain your conflicting emotions of the empty nest. No pasted-on smile required. No, “I’m fine,” needed.

Here, honesty and raw emotions are allowed, because many of us arrive at this season of life and wonder what in the world we are supposed to do next. We’re still a Mom, but what does that look like now? What responsibilities remain? Are we still a homemaker?

For the podcast on this topic, click here:

EPISODE 301

Some are grateful for the hope that strife will lessen.

We have questions. What burdens do we lay down? Are we even still needed?

My life, post mommyhood, often feels schizophrenic. I feel conflicted about the current state of things.

• The empty nest holds grief at what I’ve lost and anticipation about new opportunities. 

• My age (late fifties for me) feels experienced and wise, while also tired and sad. 

• I’m grateful for what I’ve done in life and sorrowful at all I’ve failed to accomplish. 

• My body and mind are not always loyal companions. 

  • My body complains of aches while thickening in places I wish it wouldn’t. 

  • My mind forgets my friend’s name, and why I walked in the room.

So many paths present themselves. The amount of change and choices cloud our brains and wear us out. The new freedom seems fun, while the extra time feels confusing. Projects or dreams put on the shelf for many years offer opportunity. But how do we dust them off and find the motivation to finally move in those directions?

Do you identify with these questions, or is it just me? I hope not! I looked forward to my empty nest in many ways, if for no other reason than less laundry and fewer dirty dishes. 

I adored my Mom years, but I raised kids to be arrows that the Lord could shoot out into the world that needs brave souls that value truth. That sounds a bit idealistic, I know, but you should know I can be that way. 

What I didn’t realize in all my dreaming was how quiet the house would grow. How murky the days would become as they flowed from one to the next. How filled my days could grow with mundane tasks that I’d get to the end of the week and have no idea what I’d accomplished.

One problem, if it is a problem:

My kids still need me. 

Grandkids need me. 

My husband needs me. 

I love these people and these tasks, but I also feel the weight of the Lord’s hand on my shoulder and the sweet breath of his call in my ear, “Daughter, I have work for you to do.” 

Work for my family remains, but my Father has assignments as well.

And your Heavenly Father has calls for you too.

What Keeps Me From His Call?

I’m not blaming anyone else for the struggle to claim my time for the Kingdom work Jesus has for me. An ordered life requires constant care and work. Marriages still require cultivation. Kids- even adult kids- need our help. If our parents still live, not only do we want to spend time with them, they may require our help. We should invest our time in these relationships.

What I don’t want is for wrong thinking or old burdens can weigh us down. Bitterness and disappointment can pollute our souls.  keep us from fully serving in this season

Every time I read quotes like, "Live your passion and you will never work a day in your life," or "Discover what you were born to do and you will always be happy," I have a knee jerk type of reaction. It usually involves me rolling my eyes and saying insightful things like, "Baloney."

Motherhood, with its sacrifices and family-focused living, didn't leave much “passion” space. People needed sustenance whether I felt like cooking or not. Middle of the night sessions with a sick child might be what a mom was born to do, but happiness isn’t usually the experienced emotion. I’m not complaining about those tasks. Their other-ness allowed me to experience Jesus in ways I never would have otherwise. 

But now, I’m at a new place. I look back at my decades of motherhood while also looking ahead to however many years lie before me. What in the world do I do next? How do I live my passion if I’ve forgotten what that even is?

Passion vs. Calling

I’ve lived through years of guilt that I didn't live my passion, and I’ve been jealous of those who did. But lately, I’ve changed how I look at this. First of all, guilt and jealousy aren’t healthy emotions to live with, so I need to leave those behind. But second, I just find this way of thinking very limited and unrealistic.  Life is full of mundane, routine, non-passion-inspiring moments and activities. Do I have to feel "born to do" laundry in order to do it? Or am I just doomed to do it and be unhappy about it?

This question demands an answer because the empty nest still holds laundry, meals, and the rest of the mundane holiness of homemaking. What if, instead of worrying about our passion, we asked the Lord, our Shepherd who leads us, what He wants us to do? And when he calls, can we, like the boy Samuel say, "’Speak, for your servant hears.’"? (1 Samuel 3:10b) 

I want to answer yes to whatever the Lord tells me. I want to encourage you to do the same. Think of the mighty regiment of committed women we could be if we all served Jesus where He called us! I want to answer God’s call and help you to do the same.

On the podcast and this blog, we are going to talk about impediments that keep us from answering God’s call. The more I talk to women at this stage, the more I’m amazed at how similar our challenges are. Yet, most of us feel, “It’s only me. I’m the only one struggling with this.” That’s a lie. Always remember, the liar wants to discourage and destroy us because he doesn’t want us in the battle. I refuse the lie, though it often hounds me. I desire to walk in the Lord’s truth instead, though the struggle is constant.

We will also discuss the areas of our nest we are STILL called to. The holiness of these callings doesn’t diminish, even with most of our family having flown.

And then we will discuss our second-half callings. I believe Jesus invites each of us into His work, not because He needs us, but because, as the entirety of the Bible reveals, He is a God who DESIRES relationship with us. 

As any mom who allows the kids into the kitchen to help with dinner knows, having fumbling “help” creates more work than it decreases. The fruits of working together aren’t realized for years. And then, right as our kids get useful, they leave home.

With us and Jesus, it’s the same. He doesn’t need our help, and we will create messes He will need to clean up. Yet, He invites us into the privilege of fellowship and calls us to join Him in the glorious Kingdom work. He doesn’t ask us to ever work harder on our own. We aren’t earning a spot with Him. Instead we need to lean into Him and let the Spirit empower us to do whatever He asks.

We’re not done yet! We have work to do, so let’s help one another do that. Let the Spirit open your eyes and heart to new places Jesus is calling you to serve. I’m not done yet and neither are you!

Take a listen to Episode 301 of the We’re Not Done Yet Podcast!